The Grey Day Mushroom Hunt

(Yes, this entire post is fiction, but it is based on an infinitesimal amount of reality.)

Family gatherings have a way of reminding us of the complacent nature of personalities. There’s uncle Joe with his nervous twitch – of stroking his mustache while telling a story – one that makes everyone laugh. Then there’s the punk cousin who does everything he can to make your little sister cry. Aunt Juanita, who complains about her life through the megaphone of a mouth she decorates with too much purple lipstick.

Fortunately, personalities are not the only consistent presence at family get-togethers. There are also traditions. My favorite family tradition takes place every Thanksgiving at my maternal grandparent’s home. They own a ten-acre wooded and hilly plot in the country that is perfect for hiding things (they have a lot of problems with the mafia trying to hide things there – that’s why my grandfather owns a pellet gun). So, after a decade of Thanksgivings there, a new and, now, twenty-two year old tradition was borne from that hilly terrain.

The Grey Day Mushroom Hunt has been the same ever since its inception. It begins by dyeing over four pounds of morel mushrooms with various pastel colors. The two youngest members of the family then run around the acreage hiding the mushrooms throughout the woods, fields, and barns. The mushrooms are rather distinct looking, and the neighboring farmer once called the police to report ‘drug-related activity.’

After the kids return from the acres, two of the patriarchs of the family are selected through a rock-paper-scissors tournament. The chosen men are then led outside, blindfolded and sent out into the acreage to find all of the mushrooms. Each patriarch gets half of the family to guide them – with sticks. The Grey Day Mushroom Hunt was not intended to be a competition, but it has become one. The family members guide their patriarch by poking them or whacking them with the sticks, and there is often a great deal of yelling. ‘Hurry, I see a green one in that tuft of grass!’ ‘We are not going to lose this year!’ ‘Bring it on old man!’